by Angie McMahon
So I had an appointment to see my DBA caseworker. To hand in more paper work and get the process rolling. I wrote down that my appointment was at 9am. I had another Marketing class to get to, it also started at 9am but this was more important and I would have to again walk in late to my class. The class understood since it was mostly Theater Artists anyway.
I get to City Hall 8th floor at 8:45am. I was told by the front Desk guy that my appointment was at 9:30am actually “Just so you know” he says. Ok, what am I gonna argue and not get seen. The thing is I was rushing so I wouldn’t be late and stopped at a Gas Station after dropping my daughter off at school so I could get a cup of coffee. Shitty bad Foldgers coffee from the Shell station. But I still had my cup of joe. I sit down and take out my massive binder to go over my paper work to make sure I have all of it. Then I drop my coffee. The cup breaks and it splatters all over the floor. I am so embarrassed. I go to the front desk person and ask if they have paper towels so I can clean up the mess. “No we don’t have anything like that up here. I will call the janitor.”
How the fuck do you not have ANY paper towels in an office. Don’t you have a break room? What happens when someone spills something, you HAVE to call a cleaning crew. The city is so fucked up.
The front desk person then tries to corner off my spill with chairs. But he can’t because all the chairs are bolted to the floor and together. So he finds one of the broken chairs and moves it in front of the spill. Then makes a sign that says, “Broken Chair don’t sit” and puts it on the guard chair. What a mess.
At this moment I look up at CNBC (they have a large screen TV that you can watch while you wait that ONLY plays CNBC, or at least the past two times I’ve been) and the story title they go into commercial with is “Chicks with Bricks, when we get back.” It was somehow surreal.
As I am going through my paperwork I realize I didn’t make a copy of my lease. I have the lease with me, but I can’t give them my only copy. I hope they can make a copy for me. But they didn’t have paper towels so maybe they don’t have a copy machine either. What am I gonna do. Its now 9:15, I can’t score a copy machine at this time. WTF
Finally at 9:35am I get called in. I start whipping out my papers, so proud. For sure I am not missing anything this time. Except for the copy. We start to go through my stuff. She has to take my financial info to her boss for approval. “You have one person that donated $5,000 to your company,” she asks. “Yes, two years ago. We saved the money so that is why I noted it as to where the total sum came from.” I respond. “This isn’t some kind of a bribe to get into your company?” “WHAT? We are a not for profit we are allowed to take donations” “Yes but this sum is half of your expense report, where did he get the money?” “His work, how dare you.” I respond is a very very pissy manner. “I’m not sure that is why I asked. If you were A Million Dollar Company we wouldn’t think twice about a $5,000 donation. But because it is half of what you plan to spend.” she explains. “That is why he gave it to us. To help us with our goal of getting a Theater space. And beyond that we have more than that in our bank account and I have not planned on using all of our funds. I noted that.” Now I am almost yelling. “Well you will have to sign a sworn affidavit that this was a donation and that this person did not try to buy vested interest in your company.” “Fine, whatever I need to do.” I said. “And we need 6 months of your bank statements as well. Also your board min for the last 5 years needs to be formatted in State Regulated format. You need to show your elections.” “We have a board of 3 people, at the end of the year we look around and say does everyone want to keep doing this. Cool, we all stay the same position.” “Well you need to google how to format your Minuets and I need it in that formal way. The last 5 years.” “When do you need them by?” I ask. “The next time you are in is fine.” I ask if she can make me a copy of the lease and she says she can. So now for some reason I want to get as many copies of as many things as possible because I want to inconvenience her as much as she has me. And making her make lots of copies sure taught her a lesson. Sigh
She also told me she thought we would be declined on zoning because we did not show where our seats would be on the floor plan. I told her “This is the exact floor plan the last owner used to get their PAV license. And Occupancy already accepted this plan and it was stamped by Zoning.” She to shut me up took it and submitted it as is.
I got a call from her yesterday that Zoning denied by plan cause it didn’t show the seating. I have an appointment on Halloween to bring in the new plan.
Good thing the City of Chicago is so helpful to small buisness owners. And good thing they made the PAV process so much easier than before.
Sigh again.