by Jay Gish
At a glance, this blog post probably looks like it’s about sports. I’d argue it’s more generally about entertainment. But you’ve probably already made up your mind whether you’ll keep reading, so I’ll just say “goodbye” to some and “come on in” to the others.
The New England Patriots were caught cheating. If you somehow don’t know the story, you can get a summary here, and if you thought the issue was dead, old news, there was some interesting special reporting by ESPN on Tuesday that suggests otherwise.
Opinions vary on how serious the cheating was, but there’s agreement that nobody’s laughing about it. Many Patriots fans are pretty seriously defensive of their team. Some other sports fans just think cheating’s part of competition, figure they can’t blame a guy for trying, and seriously want to forget this thing so they can have worry-free football, again. The rest of the press and public believe any cheating is serious, and support the team’s punishment.
My point is, sports scandals are supposed to be funny — come on guys! And where the Patriots actually screwed up is in not getting us to laugh at this.
You know when a baseball pitcher hides sandpaper in his pocket, to scuff up the ball? Something like that happens every few years — and every time, it ends with him trying to distract the umpire while he pathetically tries to throw the evidence away behind his back, like the world’s lamest magic trick. Except, no one could possibly be fooled, because he’s surrounded by 35,000 people and being captured on video from eight directions.
And that allows every sportscaster in the country to put a sound effect on the clip – classically either a trombone or slide whistle – and run it all year as a hilarious sports blooper! “The umpire approaches the mound, and uh oh! *Flooooop!* There it goes! What was he thinking?!”
That’s comedy gold, and video you can run forever. We never get tired of it.
Likewise, all the Patriots would have had to do was, once caught, make sure we saw one of them trying to sneakily toss away the video tape. Even if they weren’t prepared to do it on the field, they could have still had Coach Belicheck do it for us at the press conference. Just an “I don’t know what you guys want from me,” as he quizzically raises his arms while flipping a VHS cassette into the side row of reporters.
That night, WGN slaps on the sound of a Jew’s harp (*brooonnnggg!*), we all crack up, and go to bed satisfied. Oh, that Belicheck, what a crazy dope! Problem immediately diffused.
This is what should have happened. And it may not be too late. Comedy absolves many sins, New England. Think about it.